The six questions were spread out over six months. Each one was posted publicly on my social media pages. For the simpler (or at least, shorter) questions I would use only Twitter or Instagram and the hashtag #thismodernlove. For the more expansive questions, which required a letter, I would make a YouTube video to accompany each post, and then we set up email and Tumblr accounts for people to submit their responses to. We also managed some good old-fashioned postboxes in the UK and US (the number of digital letters was far greater than the physical, but I cherished every handwritten note). It took some experimenting to find the right social platform for the right question. In an attempt to reach an older demographic, I also reached out to a number of organisations that helped provide some context about relationships. (A big shout out to OnePlusOne for all their wonderful help, and for spreading the word on their forums, The Couple Connection and The Parent Connection. Their expertise was invaluable.)

I have to admit that gathering everything together was a gruelling and sometimes tedious process. There was just so much to go through: thousands upon thousands of emails, Tumblr messages, tweets, Instagram comments and piles of envelopes. It was a blessing and a curse, and after a while a colour-coded spreadsheet became my closest friend (something I thought I would never say). But whenever I was tired or overwhelmed by the project, whether late at night or early in the morning, without fail I would come across a letter that would floor me with a single expression, or a line that perfectly summed up a feeling that I had never been able to articulate before. That made it all worth it.

Eventually I was able to narrow the submissions down to a shortlist. Then with my lovely editor (hello, Ben) we printed everything and sorted the sea of paper into two very large piles. It was incredibly difficult making the final selection; every letter was deeply personal and powerful in its own way. I agonised over every ‘yes’ and ‘no’. But after hours, days and eventually weeks of deliberating, not to mention the occasional argument, we decided on a final list.

That final selection is this book, and the letters are structured into three parts. It felt natural doing it this way; after all, every love story has a beginning, a middle and an end. The first section focuses on the pre-relationship stage, the all-consuming ‘crush’ period that many of us will wince at with embarrassment when looking back, but at the time is everything. The second part focuses on partners in relationships: the personal strength that teamwork can provide; the challenges that collectively can be overcome; the nagging itch of commitment as passion fades. The final part examines, in unflinching detail, and in myriad ways, the break-up phase. Although modern love is impossible to ever completely contain or define, it seemed quite instinctive early on to frame the book with these headings.

I’m not going to say too much more. I have written short intro-ductions to each section in the book, but as with the book as a whole, I’ve tried to let the letters speak for themselves, and not to pass on any of my own morals or judgements. For this reason, all of the letters included in the book have been printed as they were submitted – no edits or corrections of grammar or punctuation. I think they are raw and authentic this way, and in many cases the occasional idiosyncratic use of language reveals far more about the writer and the subject than if it had been ‘corrected’.