Werner Bartens
Was Paare zusammenhält
Warum man sich riechen können muss und
Sex überschätzt wird
Knaur e-books
Dr. med. Werner Bartens, geboren 1966, hat Medizin, Geschichte und Germanistik studiert. Der Wissenschaftsredakteur der »Süddeutschen Zeitung« wurde u.a. als »Wissenschaftsjournalist des Jahres« ausgezeichnet. Er hat als Arzt und in der Forschung gearbeitet und ist Autor von Bestsellern wie »Glücksmedizin« und »Körperglück«. Der »Stern« schrieb über ihn: »Herr Dr. Bartens, Sie sind ein gottverdammtes Genie!«
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James McNulty hat seine Forschung auf der Tagung der Amerikanischen Psychologenvereinigung im August 2012 in Orlando vorgestellt unter dem Titel: »Sometimes expressing anger can help a relationship in the long term.« Mehrere Fachartikel von ihm zum Thema werden demnächst erscheinen.
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Eine Forsa-Umfrage im Auftrag des Happiness-Instituts (ja, so etwas gibt es tatsächlich) ergab im August 2012, dass Toleranz gegenüber dem Partner für 84 Prozent der Befragten das wichtigste Rezept für ihre dauerhafte Liebe und Lebensfreude ist.
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Als sie einander acht Jahre kannten / (und man darf sagen: sie kannten sich gut), / kam ihre Liebe plötzlich abhanden. / Wie andern Leuten ein Stock oder Hut.« Der Beginn von Erich Kästners Gedicht »Sachliche Romanze« zeigt nüchtern und lakonisch auf, wie einem Paar schon nach wenigen gemeinsamen Jahren die Liebe verlorengehen kann und beide nichts mehr füreinander empfinden. Über die auf den Hund gekommene Beziehung wird so beiläufig und in so distanziertem Ton berichtet, dass der Eindruck entsteht: Dieses Miteinander ist besonders trostlos, da ist gar nichts, das beide noch aneinander bindet oder gar füreinander einnimmt. Dass die wechselseitige Zuneigung – quasi nebenbei – unterwegs »verlustig« gegangen ist, unterstreicht die traurige Bilanz dieser Partnerschaft. Beim Leser stellt sich unweigerlich das Gefühl ein: Das anonyme Liebespaar hat sich zwar vermutlich aneinander gewöhnt, aber den Schlüssel für ein langes, harmonisches Miteinander, den hat es nie gefunden.
Wenn es doch so einfach wäre! Dann wüsste jeder, der sich mit einem anderen Menschen zusammentut, wo sich dieser Schlüssel befindet und wie eine glückliche und dauerhafte Beziehung gelingt – und Paartherapeuten wie auch die Autoren von Beziehungsratgebern (und bedauerlicherweise vielleicht sogar die von Liebesend-Gedichten) wären auf lange Sicht arbeitslos. Wenn die Menschen nicht nur in den ersten Stunden, Tagen und Wochen einander begehren würden und sich wünschten, ihr Glück würde ewig halten, dann bliebe zusammen, was zusammengehört oder sich einmal gefunden hat.
Stattdessen geht in den Mühen des Alltags so manche zarte Pflanze Zuneigung unwiderruflich ein, und die einst so lodernde Leidenschaft verglimmt, bis nur noch Gleichgültigkeit füreinander oder gar Hass und Verachtung übrig bleiben. Mehr als ein Drittel aller Ehen in Deutschland wird geschieden, in Großstädten geht sogar fast die Hälfte in die Brüche. Ewig hält höchstens noch die Sehnsucht nach dem Traummann oder der Traumfrau.